Recently, I had a conversation with a first-time buyer, who was trying to think through precisely how to articulate her house-hunt wish list to her agent in a way that was clear on her wants vs. needs. During the course of our talk, I found myself briefing her on an agent’s wants and needs.

“Sure, every agent wants and needs to close your sale and earn a commission,” I told her. “But what they really want even more is, when possible, to be your hero.

“Every reputable agent wants you to be thrilled with your place. They want you to love them and to rave about what they did for you to their friends, for years in the future. So, if they can find someplace that scores on all your requirements and as many as possible of your preferences, chances are good that they will.”

The process of getting to that outcome, the outcome of being highly happy with your agent’s work, requires a number of things, but one that comes to mind is the way buyers interact with agents in terms of being demanding vs. nondemanding, and responsive vs. nonresponsive. These are the same factors psychologists look to when trying to understand which styles of parenting are likely to be successful, in terms of producing children that are competent to achieve their own goals in the world.