Location: Tequesta, Fla.
The Skinny: The early 90s are very much alive and well in this South Florida waterfront estate: from the all-white PoMo exterior to the smoothest of smooth jazz that provides the soundtrack to the listing site’s photo slideshow, this mansion is the architectural equivalent of high-waisted acid wash jeans with an electric blue skypager clipped to the belt. Enter through the custom woodwork double front doors and you’ll experience (per the brokerbabble) “warm, Florida modern allure draped in sophistication and delights, while conveying an unmistakable sense of strength, volume, and boldness”, which sounds more like the copy for a shampoo ad than a listing description, but does manage to communicate the fact that the place is huge. The expansive open plan ground floor is a case in point, with features that include three crystal chandeliers (natch), a sky-bridge, marble floors, and walls of floor-to-ceiling windows with pretty spectacular views of the Intracoastal Waterway. Sadly, the home’s special brand of conspicuous gigantism is not to everyone’s taste, as it’s been on and off the market since 2009, and has recently suffered a PriceChop of $400K. It’s now asking $5.499M, which you’ll be happy to know includes a “pool deck adroned [sic] with a massive custom bronze sailfish”.